OK. I was wondering how to reply to meower's comment and now I wake up and see all the others, so here we go.
First off, I have been dealing with depression for decades having been clinically diagnosed back in the early 90's and ended up on
zoloft for years. That alone allows me to make the kinds of remarks about depression such as I did below as someone who is a sufferer.
Secondly, I am mentally ill as so many here have diagnosed me over the years and just recently again below. But that is primarily
because of my politics, so I take that with a grain of salt.
But depression and I are old acquaintances / adversaries. Now it comes and goes.
It came roaring back with a Stage IV cancer diagnosis at the age of 56. So I get it and understand it. I even had an exit plan back in the 90's.
I was just going to paddle out in a huge storm and take off on a wave ala Patrick Swayze at the end of Point Break. Quietly and alone go out in a way
that was fitting and would be unnoticed by most except those who would eventually find me missing. With a little luck my carcass would be shark food
and my remains other than a surfboard would never be found. But that didn't happen. Fortunately for me, I found the person who was the missing part
of me for 30 years and when we were reunited, I became whole again and found life worth living again. Ironically, my first contact with her was upon
just returning from a trip to the Outer Banks which would have been the location for that last ride. If she hadn't returned into my life, I am pretty
damned sure I would have executed my plan when I got my cancer diagnosis. But she did and I didn't. Life is funny, cruel and unpredictable, but it
always ends eventually.
Fast forward, I said the following ...kurtster wrote:
he probably ran out of new food to try and got depressed
the only thing left was cannibalism and ...
the first remark was just a thought, a gentle speculation based upon the understanding of depression and what it is and how it can work.
the second was based upon a public figure who made a living by eating bizarre food and something that was not out of the realm of possibility.
No disrespect there. Just a wry observation. Something drove this man to do what he did with food and it was the eventual likelihood if he
continued down his path.
I don't know what kind of man Mr Bourdain was other than his public persona. I did see a kind, thought provoking person who had a genuine interest
in what he was doing and enjoyment of it including the people he met in the places he traveled. I considered him a lucky man in that he was living his
life's primary passion of discovering food in all its glory and ignominy at the same time. He seemed to be the real deal. At the same time, I wondered
how long could he keep this up and what would he do when he ran out of challenges or his show got cancelled. To me, he appeared to be channeling
unbridled energy and either passion or demons in his public quest and travels. He lived hard and played hard and led by example. That to me is a full
life lived well.
In the earlier discussion about suicide, proclivities posted a list of drivers which would naturally lead to depression if not resolved. Happy people generally
do not commit suicide. Depressed people do. I picked the most benign reason for Mr Bourdain's apparent suicide in my first remark, the ending of a passion.
Again, the second remark, I really believe to be funny and benign as well but within the realm of possibility considering the very public nature of his exploits and
not out of bounds or disrespectful. And based on my own understanding of depression and the thought processes involved.
How many of you who have passed judgment on me since my remark are clinically or formally diagnosed as depressed ? How many of you have looked
death in the eyes and not blinked ? Those of you who are and have, fine you are welcome to pass judgment on me. Those of you who haven't walked in
those shoes ... well you're not, imho.
Like guns, we are only talking about suicide when there is some major event or celebrity involved. What about all the veterans out there who commit suicide
at the daily rate of 20 per day
? No biggie, just celebrities, right ?
Death. Everyone deals with it differently. Most from the perspective of fear of the unknown. I can honestly say I no longer have a fear of dying. That does not mean
that I am suicidal or ready to go, cuz I'm not and in no hurry. Some deaths are tragic and untimely and many are not. It just is what it is. There was no disrespect in
my remarks regarding Mr Bourdain's passing, just observations based upon the perspective of someone who knows depression and has faced actual death already.
I think it was an honest thought, with a little poke at his passion. One he might have agreed with.