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Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda   

Posted by helenofjoy - Jan 30, 2014 - 5:59pm

Ingrid called last night while I was putting in a pizza for dinner with my daughter and I told her I would call her back.  Well, after our pizza and wine, it was later than my usual bedtime when my daughter left to go home and I forgot to call Ingrid back.  She sounded fine when she called me at 7, so I wasn't worried, and her recent health issues seemed to be improving so much...so after work today I headed over to her house to be told by the neighbor that they hauled her to the hospital this morning.  The neighbors called the police to do a welfare check because they had heard her bumping and falling into things and crying out for help, but when they would go downstairs to check on her, they would knock and she would answer and tell them she was fine, but she could not or would not open the door.  They said they could hear her crashing around all night.  When the fire department and police came in the morning, she was stripped nekkid and covered in bruises and her apartment looked like it had been ransacked.  I really thought maybe someone had assaulted her.  I found her in the ICU at a local hospital.  She was not conscious yet.  She has bleeding on the brain from a fall or something, both eyes are black and swollen shut.  They think she is going through withdrawal from something.  If I had called her after Eva left, and if she didn't answer, I would have gone over there and maybe been able to help her - I would have broken the kitchen door glass to get in if I had to.

Her Mom had a series of TIA's when she was alive.  The nurse already told me there is no way she will be released to home after this episode.  She will have to go into nursing care somewhere for rehab at the very least.  This is so sad and I feel so horrible for not calling her back last night.  I had her landlord meet me at her apartment and I went in and cleaned up the broken glass and picked up as best I could and fed and watered the kitteh.  I will meet her out of town bf tomorrow after work over there and see what needs to be done for now.  We discussed keeping her apartment until we know what will happen with her, but my thinking is she won't be going back home.

Some prayers and thoughts please for poor Ingrid.


13 comments on this journal entry.
helenofjoy
What Day Is This?
helenofjoy Avatar

Location: Lincoln, Nebraska
Posted: Feb 7, 2014 - 4:33am
Thank you all so much for your input.  Ingrid has been moved to the brain trauma rehab part of the hospital and is doing sooooo much better!  She recognizes me when I come into the room and her face lights up!  She remembers some things - others no.  Nothing about the night this all happened.  Now there has been a battle of sorts with the family who have been trying like crazy to get into her apartment.  A couple of years ago she had left me a directive with her wishes with regard to this so I've been stubborn about turning over the keys to them.  I finally took the keys to the hospital in a bag of mail from her place and left them there for the sister to pick up.  Well guess what!!! She took the bag of mail home and the keys are now missing!!!  WTF? I've alerted police (who can't do anything of course until someone breaks in), the landlord and the neighbors to keep an eye out.  We all meet over there tomorrow to pack up her things.  They've already rented her apartment out.  Thanks again for all the input!  I'm quietly fading into the background and quite frankly - that's ok with me!  P.S. I love you Lenny!
kurtster

kurtster Avatar

Location: drifting
Posted: Feb 4, 2014 - 7:37am
Yep, had some experience in this matter.

Long story short.  One person is no match for this kind of situation.

Requires professional help and sadly some institutionalizing.

pm me if you like.
LennytheB
Patriot Guard Rider
LennytheB Avatar

Location: beyond the 7th sun
Posted: Feb 3, 2014 - 9:57am
You've been so worried about my health issues, you didn't tell me about this.  I feel like I know Ingrid through you, though I've never met her, and I'm so sorry this has come to pass.  Like many here have said, let yourself off the hook on this.  Things could very well have turned out worse had you called her back.  Things happen the way they do for a reason and this episode is no exception.  Listen to your little brother!
helenofjoy
What Day Is This?
helenofjoy Avatar

Location: Lincoln, Nebraska
Posted: Feb 3, 2014 - 5:19am
Anyone have experience with family members or friends who self-harm, self-batter?  Appears this might be the case here.
ScottN
We're all riders on this train
ScottN Avatar

Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 8:55pm
{#Good-vibes}{#Good-vibes}{#Good-vibes}
helenofjoy
What Day Is This?
helenofjoy Avatar

Location: Lincoln, Nebraska
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 5:47pm

Thank you so much.  Things have calmed down and it's not looking too good.  She could get worse before she gets much better and they seem to be preparing for that and trying to prepare her family and friends for that.  The psych/med issues are a factor as are the crazy meds she was on, and after some sleuthing we found out she had been drinking heavily and was pretty inebriated the night this "attack" started.  She doesn't weight much so I can't imagine it takes too much rum to hit her hard.

It turns out the emts or police did not kick in the door, but talked to her through her window while another emt was at her door.  The one at the window coached her into unlocking the door.  She was battered and had been "falling" into things all night long.  I swear it feels as though there is an evil Ingrid inside of her that was making her hurt herself on purpose.  I saw a flash of that personality once a couple of years ago and never forgot it.  Tonight at the hospital while she was eating her dinner I saw a flash of it again and it's scary.  It was like Ingrid was gone and this animal had taken shelter in her body and it's running on instinct now.  She will never be able to live by herself again.  She will be in the hospital for a long time before even being able to be moved to a nursing home.  She has traumatic brain injury.  Earlier today she recognized me and her son and you could see how happy she was to see him.  I was encouraged.  Tonight was a whole different story.

Turns out the ICU TBI tech in the room with her worked with Ingrid when she was a nurse at the same hospital she is in now.  She was a psych nurse for 23 years.  It was good to see her with someone who knew her and had worked with her, but I don't think she really recognized her.  She still needs help eating and gets agitated and has to have someone there all the time or she starts pulling out heplocks and cables and tubes and trying to escape.

I didn't go in to work today and I did come home for a nap this afternoon and I'm taking care to take care of myself while this is happening.  I think we have to take poor Lucky the kitteh to The Cat House to try to find a home for him.  He's on antiobiotics now for a uti of some sort and I can't get near him to give him his drops.  He remembers too well the time I tried to force feed him Manuka honey.  He lets me pet him and stuff, but he can tell when I'm trying to sneak up on him for his med dose.  Ingrid's friend Ellen will go to try to give him meds tonight.

BF is probably allergic to cats or something - I can't see him as an animal lover.  I like him and he's been good to Ingrid and he was here with her all day today.  He has to go to Iowa tomorrow but another close friend is coming in from out of town to help stand watch over her.

This is pretty sad.
cc_rider
Strange but not a stranger.
cc_rider Avatar

Location: Bastrop
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 9:28am
This sounds like something that's way beyond your control. She 'played nice' when the authorities checked on her, who's to say she would have let you in, or worse harmed you in addition to herself?

It's an awful situation, no doubt about that, but beating yourself up about it won't do anybody any good.

Just for the exercise, let's see what most likely would have happened if you had called back earlier:
- She 'made nice' and said things were fine, then hung up and went back to crazyland. Same result.
- You talked, got worried, and went over there. She was clearly beyond any state an 'amateur' could handle, and you'd probably have to call 911 anyway. It's highly likely she would react aggressively to you after that. Same result for her, and you'd likely have injuries too.

There are no good answers to this deal. It could have been just as bad either way.

Best wishes,
c.
 
Alexandra
Living with passion
Alexandra Avatar

Location: PNW
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 8:54am
Good thoughts on the way....
lily34
i need a bogle for my glotch.
lily34 Avatar

Location: GTFO
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 5:51am
oh no.

i don't know this ingrid or her past history, but it does sound like that's what's best. you also need to listen to BHD, let yourself off the hook.

will the bf take the kitteh?
Antigone

Antigone Avatar

Location: A house, in a Virginian Valley
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 4:52am
Gosh, Helen, you can't hold yourself responsible for this! And it honestly sounds like Ingrid needs to NOT be living alone at this point.

Thinking all the best for her. And cut yourself slack!

{#Pray}
BlueHeronDruid

BlueHeronDruid Avatar

Location: planting flowers
Posted: Jan 31, 2014 - 1:49am
Let yourself off the hook, HofJ. Prayers on their way, and for you, too.
kurtster

kurtster Avatar

Location: drifting
Posted: Jan 30, 2014 - 9:53pm
{#Pray}  for Ingrid

 {#Meditate}  for you.
Coaxial
Shine On.
Coaxial Avatar

Location: 543 miles west of Paradis,1491 miles east of Paradise
Posted: Jan 30, 2014 - 8:32pm
{#Good-vibes}{#Pray}{#Meditate}