Europe
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Jul 5, 2024 - 12:44am
SCOTUS
- haresfur - Jul 5, 2024 - 12:39am
Joe Biden
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Jul 4, 2024 - 10:18pm
Russia
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Jul 4, 2024 - 10:11pm
Wordle - daily game
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Jul 4, 2024 - 9:34pm
Artificial Intelligence
- thisbody - Jul 4, 2024 - 8:52pm
Sticky, Groovy 70s Tunes
- R_P - Jul 4, 2024 - 8:32pm
Britain
- R_P - Jul 4, 2024 - 7:53pm
What the hell OV?
- oldviolin - Jul 4, 2024 - 5:43pm
2024 Elections!
- kurtster - Jul 4, 2024 - 5:39pm
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos
- Alchemist - Jul 4, 2024 - 1:31pm
Name My Band
- DaveInSaoMiguel - Jul 4, 2024 - 1:25pm
NYTimes Connections
- n4ku - Jul 4, 2024 - 1:05pm
NY Times Strands
- n4ku - Jul 4, 2024 - 1:04pm
Song of the Day
- oldviolin - Jul 4, 2024 - 12:44pm
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - Jul 4, 2024 - 11:41am
Favorite Quotes
- R_P - Jul 4, 2024 - 11:28am
If not RP, what are you listening to right now?
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Jul 4, 2024 - 10:34am
USA! USA! USA!
- thisbody - Jul 4, 2024 - 9:53am
favorite love songs
- thisbody - Jul 4, 2024 - 9:26am
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- William - Jul 4, 2024 - 8:52am
Climate Change
- R_P - Jul 4, 2024 - 8:29am
What Makes You Laugh?
- thisbody - Jul 4, 2024 - 8:06am
Radio Paradise Comments
- GeneP59 - Jul 4, 2024 - 7:06am
Hey Baby, It's The 4th O' July
- steeler - Jul 4, 2024 - 6:27am
Today in History
- Red_Dragon - Jul 4, 2024 - 6:23am
Song Lyrics
- thisbody - Jul 4, 2024 - 5:12am
Israel
- R_P - Jul 3, 2024 - 11:56pm
Things You Thought Today
- Beaker - Jul 3, 2024 - 9:23pm
In My Room
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 9:15pm
What Did You See Today?
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Jul 3, 2024 - 8:46pm
How's the weather?
- KurtfromLaQuinta - Jul 3, 2024 - 8:41pm
Country Up The Bumpkin
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 8:39pm
Sonos
- haresfur - Jul 3, 2024 - 8:13pm
Trump
- Red_Dragon - Jul 3, 2024 - 7:21pm
Duets as they should have happened.
- Red_Dragon - Jul 3, 2024 - 1:07pm
Ukraine
- NoEnzLefttoSplit - Jul 3, 2024 - 12:38pm
Lyrics That Remind You of Someone
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 11:06am
Live Music
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 10:59am
Living in America
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 10:51am
July 2024 Photo Theme - Summer
- fractalv - Jul 3, 2024 - 10:17am
TWO WORDS
- Bill_J - Jul 3, 2024 - 9:31am
Mixtape Culture Club
- Lazy8 - Jul 3, 2024 - 8:03am
Lyrics that strike a chord today...
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 7:58am
hurricane relief
- oldviolin - Jul 3, 2024 - 7:04am
China
- R_P - Jul 2, 2024 - 6:15pm
Alexa Show
- RPnate1 - Jul 2, 2024 - 1:08pm
You are all WRONG!
- Bill_J - Jul 1, 2024 - 6:31pm
what the hell, miamizsun?
- oldviolin - Jul 1, 2024 - 5:59pm
Caching to Apple watch quit working
- RPnate1 - Jul 1, 2024 - 3:33pm
Cryptic Posts - Leave Them Guessing
- thisbody - Jul 1, 2024 - 2:20pm
The Presidential Debates
- kurtster - Jun 30, 2024 - 9:30pm
Gotta Get Your Drink On
- Bill_J - Jun 30, 2024 - 6:58pm
Acoustic Guitar
- miamizsun - Jun 30, 2024 - 8:46am
Song ID
- Proclivities - Jun 30, 2024 - 6:37am
Little known information... maybe even facts
- DaveInSaoMiguel - Jun 30, 2024 - 5:12am
The Obituary Page
- kurtster - Jun 30, 2024 - 2:38am
Immigration
- R_P - Jun 29, 2024 - 11:57am
NEED A COMPUTER GEEK!
- Steely_D - Jun 29, 2024 - 11:03am
Strips, cartoons, illustrations
- R_P - Jun 29, 2024 - 9:51am
Internet Hoaxes
- Proclivities - Jun 29, 2024 - 7:45am
Canada
- R_P - Jun 29, 2024 - 6:38am
Baseball, anyone?
- Proclivities - Jun 29, 2024 - 6:31am
What makes you smile?
- R_P - Jun 28, 2024 - 5:45pm
Love & Hate
- miamizsun - Jun 28, 2024 - 5:06am
Ambient Music
- miamizsun - Jun 28, 2024 - 5:02am
NASA & other news from space
- miamizsun - Jun 27, 2024 - 3:12pm
Derplahoma!
- Red_Dragon - Jun 27, 2024 - 12:47pm
RightWingNutZ
- R_P - Jun 27, 2024 - 11:00am
LeftWingNutZ
- Proclivities - Jun 27, 2024 - 9:31am
iOS app download manager problem
- RPnate1 - Jun 26, 2024 - 12:25pm
What is your favorite music video?
- ScottFromWyoming - Jun 26, 2024 - 11:39am
Post your favorite 'You Tube' Videos Here
- Red_Dragon - Jun 26, 2024 - 10:10am
June 2024 Photo Theme - Eyes
- fractalv - Jun 26, 2024 - 8:30am
WikiLeaks
- R_P - Jun 26, 2024 - 6:50am
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Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
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Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 21, 22, 23 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
HazzeSwede
![HazzeSwede Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/45610.gif)
Location: Hammerdal Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Oct 12, 2011 - 11:21pm |
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Brutal but, Bombasticly funny !
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DaveInSaoMiguel
![DaveInSaoMiguel Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/17680-1685886716.jpg)
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Oct 12, 2011 - 7:34pm |
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Two Middle East mothers are sitting in a cafe chatting over a plate of tabouli and a pint of goat's milk. The older of the two pulls a small folder out of her handbag and starts flipping through photos. They start reminiscing. ''This is my oldest son, Mujibar. He would have been 24 years old now.'' ''Yes, I remember him as a baby.'' says the other mother cheerfully. "He's a martyr now though." the mother confides. "Oh, so sad dear...'' says the other. ''And this is my second son, Khalid. He would have been 21.'' ''Oh, I remember him,'' says the other happily, ''he had such curly hair when he was born.'' ''He's a martyr too...'' says the mother quietly. ''Oh, gracious me...'' says the other. ''And this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Ahmed. He would have been 18'', she whispers. "Yes," says the friend enthusiastically, ''I remember when he first started school...'' ''He's a martyr also,'' says the mother, with tears in her eyes. After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Muslim mother looks wistfully at the photographs and, searching for the right words, says . . . "They blow up so fast, don't they?"
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samiyam
![samiyam Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/12223.jpg)
Location: Moving North ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Oct 7, 2011 - 10:27am |
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There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying."
"This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man and then my dog bit me.""So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; then you show up and drink the whole thing! But enough about me, how's your day going?"
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Zissy
![Zissy Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/15553.jpg)
Location: 90804 Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Oct 3, 2011 - 2:23pm |
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lily34
![lily34 Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/8250-1396445311.jpg)
Location: GTFO Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Oct 3, 2011 - 1:46pm |
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JrzyTmata wrote: baby kitteh!
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JrzyTmata
![JrzyTmata Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/7138-1376699130.gif)
![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Oct 3, 2011 - 1:44pm |
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rosedraws
![rosedraws Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/40969.gif)
Location: close to the edge Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 29, 2011 - 10:30am |
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some are repeats... some are worth hearing again. ![](graphics/smiles/icon_smile.gif) Puns for Educated Minds 1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. 10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 11. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 12. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other: 'You stay here; I'll go on a head.' 13. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me. 14. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said: 'Keep off the Grass.' 15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran. 17. A backward poet writes inverse. 18. In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. 19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion. 20. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris , you'd be in Seine . 21. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.' 22. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!' 23. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 24. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.' 25. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 26. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
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Yibbyl
![Yibbyl Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/18657.gif)
Location: Gaäd only knows Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 24, 2011 - 4:27pm |
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Little April was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR A$$!"
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geordiezimmerman
![geordiezimmerman Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/44066-1333120865.jpg)
Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 24, 2011 - 12:37pm |
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So I phoned up the spiritual leader of Tibet, he sent me a large goat with a long neck, turns out I phoned dial a lama.
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justlistening
![justlistening Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/7259-1346826004.jpg)
Location: So. California Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 20, 2011 - 1:09pm |
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black321 wrote:re. Charlie Sheen:
“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher."
50 "best" Charlie Sheen Roast Jokes
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bokey
![bokey Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/46797-1393638269.gif)
Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 20, 2011 - 1:03pm |
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BillG wrote: BillG deflects the angry morning forum mob with diversionary tactics. Squirrel>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Is BillG the evolutionary example of being the Man, while not being the Man at the same time? As in too cool to be the Man, he just is and we all know it. C'mon Bill, hire somebody to mess with the server, we'll all pitch in to keep you at the DJ Desk of Greatness. You've accomplished so much, I accept the fact that on my best day, all I could ever do would be to look up to you. Oh man, my head hurts.
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hippiechick
![hippiechick Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/29866.png)
Location: topsy turvy land Gender: ![Female](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_female.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 20, 2011 - 1:01pm |
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black321 wrote:re. Charlie Sheen:
“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher."
![{#Lol} {#Lol}](http://www.radioparadise.coms/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/icon_lol.gif) They were pretty brutal on his roast last night.
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black321
![black321 Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/1460-1471878064.jpg)
Location: An earth without maps Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 20, 2011 - 12:59pm |
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re. Charlie Sheen:
“You’re just like Bruce Willis — you were big in the 80s and now your old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher."
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William
![William Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/2-1706752218.jpg)
Location: Eureka! Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 20, 2011 - 12:55pm |
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black321
![black321 Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/1460-1471878064.jpg)
Location: An earth without maps Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 19, 2011 - 1:47pm |
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Ten best things to say if you get caught sleeping at your desk
10."They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9."This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the white out. You probably got here just in time."
7. "I wasn't sleeping, I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken."
2. "Someone must have put decaf in the wrong pot."
1. " ... in God's name, Amen."
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winter
![winter Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/27907-1379983916.jpg)
Location: in exile, as always Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 16, 2011 - 9:20am |
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islander
![islander Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/16018-1410630793.png)
Location: West coast somewhere Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 16, 2011 - 9:16am |
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winter wrote:![](graphics/smiles/icon_lol.gif) And oddly timely. I think that means that we're not getting search back.
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justlistening
![justlistening Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/7259-1346826004.jpg)
Location: So. California Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 16, 2011 - 9:14am |
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BillG wrote:Dead Horse Theory The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount." However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:1. Buying a stronger whip. 2. Changing riders. 3. Appointing a committee to study the horse. 4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses. 5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included. 6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired. 7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse. 8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed. 9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance. 10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance. 11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses. 12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses. And of course.... 13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position. ![{#Lol} {#Lol}](scripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/icon_lol.gif) Absolutely true! ![{#Arrowu} {#Arrowu}](scripts/tiny_mce/plugins/emotions/img/icon_arrowu.gif)
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oldviolin
![oldviolin Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/43780-1719705476.jpg)
Location: esse quam videri Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 16, 2011 - 9:08am |
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Poor little horsey...
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winter
![winter Avatar](https://img.radioparadise.com/avatars/27907-1379983916.jpg)
Location: in exile, as always Gender: ![Male](graphics/icons/icon_minigender_male.gif) ![](graphics/clear.gif)
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Posted:
Sep 16, 2011 - 8:57am |
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BillG wrote:The tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed on from generation to generation, says that, "When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount." However, in government, education, and in corporate America, more advanced strategies are often employed, such as: 1. Buying a stronger whip. 3. Appointing a committee to study the horse. 4. Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses. 5. Lowering the standards so that dead horses can be included. 6. Reclassifying the dead horse as living-impaired. 7. Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse. 8. Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed. 9. Providing additional funding and/or training to increase dead horse's performance. 10. Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance. 11. Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overhead and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses. 12. Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses. 13. Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position. ![](graphics/smiles/icon_lol.gif) And oddly timely.
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