You might be getting old if......
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 28, 2024 - 7:49pm
May 2024 Photo Theme - Peaceful
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 28, 2024 - 7:48pm
Baseball, anyone?
- ScottFromWyoming - May 28, 2024 - 7:27pm
NYTimes Connections
- geoff_morphini - May 28, 2024 - 5:58pm
NY Times Strands
- geoff_morphini - May 28, 2024 - 5:48pm
Wordle - daily game
- geoff_morphini - May 28, 2024 - 5:38pm
Mixtape Culture Club
- Steely_D - May 28, 2024 - 3:11pm
USA! USA! USA!
- kurtster - May 28, 2024 - 2:52pm
Interviews with the artists
- dischuckin - May 28, 2024 - 1:33pm
RightWingNutZ
- R_P - May 28, 2024 - 12:02pm
Radio Paradise Comments
- timothy_john - May 28, 2024 - 11:45am
Israel
- R_P - May 28, 2024 - 9:47am
Trump
- Lazy8 - May 28, 2024 - 9:28am
Today in History
- DaveInSaoMiguel - May 28, 2024 - 9:12am
What makes you smile?
- black321 - May 28, 2024 - 6:20am
Photos you have taken of your walks or hikes.
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 27, 2024 - 9:43pm
RP Daily Trivia Challenge
- ScottFromWyoming - May 27, 2024 - 8:24pm
Poetry Forum
- Manbird - May 27, 2024 - 7:20pm
Climate Change
- haresfur - May 27, 2024 - 6:07pm
The Obituary Page
- rgio - May 27, 2024 - 4:10pm
fortune cookies, says:
- thisbody - May 27, 2024 - 3:50pm
Name My Band
- GeneP59 - May 27, 2024 - 2:26pm
Song of the Day
- oldviolin - May 27, 2024 - 11:12am
Favorite Quotes
- oldviolin - May 27, 2024 - 11:08am
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - May 27, 2024 - 9:29am
First World Problems
- ColdMiser - May 27, 2024 - 7:33am
Funny Videos
- thisbody - May 27, 2024 - 7:20am
Internet connection
- thisbody - May 27, 2024 - 7:12am
Ways to Listen to RP on WiiM Plus
- earthbased - May 27, 2024 - 6:56am
Things You Thought Today
- thisbody - May 27, 2024 - 6:36am
Roku App - Roku Asterisk Menu
- earthbased - May 27, 2024 - 5:49am
Sonos
- haresfur - May 26, 2024 - 9:32pm
John Prine
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 26, 2024 - 5:34pm
New Music
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 26, 2024 - 5:24pm
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- jarro - May 26, 2024 - 1:58pm
Artificial Intelligence
- R_P - May 25, 2024 - 11:05pm
What Makes You Laugh?
- thisbody - May 25, 2024 - 10:42pm
Fascism In America
- R_P - May 25, 2024 - 6:16pm
The Dragons' Roost
- miamizsun - May 25, 2024 - 12:02pm
Media Matters
- Beaker - May 25, 2024 - 10:59am
2024 Elections!
- kurtster - May 24, 2024 - 9:43pm
Dialing 1-800-Manbird
- oldviolin - May 24, 2024 - 3:42pm
What's that smell?
- oldviolin - May 24, 2024 - 3:41pm
Business as Usual
- R_P - May 24, 2024 - 12:49pm
It's the economy stupid.
- R_P - May 24, 2024 - 12:38pm
Bob Dylan
- Steely_D - May 24, 2024 - 10:50am
Rock mix sound quality below Main and Mellow?
- R567 - May 24, 2024 - 9:11am
Odd sayings
- GeneP59 - May 24, 2024 - 8:08am
Solar / Wind / Geothermal / Efficiency Energy
- Red_Dragon - May 24, 2024 - 6:55am
Nederland / The Netherlands
- R_P - May 23, 2024 - 10:03am
Music News
- Beaker - May 23, 2024 - 8:30am
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 22, 2024 - 8:51pm
Science is bullsh*t
- GeneP59 - May 22, 2024 - 4:16pm
Maarjamaa
- oldviolin - May 22, 2024 - 3:32pm
Gotta Get Your Drink On
- ScottFromWyoming - May 22, 2024 - 3:25pm
Coffee
- haresfur - May 22, 2024 - 12:12am
Most played: what's the range? Last 30 days? 90?
- theirongiant - May 21, 2024 - 2:20pm
What Did You See Today?
- Steely_D - May 20, 2024 - 1:24pm
Shawn Phillips
- Isabeau - May 20, 2024 - 6:20am
The Corporation
- Red_Dragon - May 20, 2024 - 5:08am
Positive Thoughts and Prayer Requests
- GeneP59 - May 19, 2024 - 4:08pm
What can you hear right now?
- GeneP59 - May 19, 2024 - 4:07pm
China
- Isabeau - May 19, 2024 - 2:22pm
TV shows you watch
- Steely_D - May 19, 2024 - 1:13am
Music library
- nightdrive - May 18, 2024 - 1:28pm
Paul McCartney
- miamizsun - May 18, 2024 - 4:06am
Virginia News
- Steely_D - May 18, 2024 - 2:51am
Gnomad here. Who farking deleted my thread?
- Red_Dragon - May 17, 2024 - 5:59pm
Upcoming concerts or shows you can't wait to see
- ScottFromWyoming - May 17, 2024 - 1:43pm
DIY
- black321 - May 17, 2024 - 9:16am
Other Medical Stuff
- kurtster - May 16, 2024 - 10:00pm
Your Local News
- Proclivities - May 16, 2024 - 12:51pm
Alexa Show
- thisbody - May 16, 2024 - 12:15pm
Joe Biden
- Steely_D - May 16, 2024 - 1:02am
Strange signs, marquees, billboards, etc.
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 15, 2024 - 4:13pm
|
Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
|
Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 6, 7, 8 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
|
Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 10:10am |
|
Proclivities wrote: I used to work on a navy base and was having lunch in the consolidated mess when the old salt that was the deputy director for the branch we worked for started in on a tirade about people always misusing the word dock. "A dock IS NOT the thing you walk on! That is a pier. A dock is the space between two finger piers where the ship is." When he had finished I asked him if he had three finger piers would that be a paradox? He didn't speak to me for the rest of the day. It was wonderful.
|
|
Proclivities
Location: Paris of the Piedmont Gender:
|
Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 9:39am |
|
Prodigal_SOB wrote:And they're always docking your pay too.
|
|
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
|
Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 9:35am |
|
aflanigan wrote:I once tried to get work as a stevedore, but I couldn't make it past the pier review process.
HT to miamizsun
And they're always docking your pay too.
|
|
aflanigan
Location: At Sea Gender:
|
Posted:
Jan 15, 2015 - 8:24am |
|
I once tried to get work as a stevedore, but I couldn't make it past the pier review process.
HT to miamizsun
|
|
DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
|
Posted:
Jan 2, 2015 - 3:45pm |
|
During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom? Michael said: Just a minute I have to go for a leak. The teacher responded by saying: That would be rude and most impolite. The teacher then asked of another student What about you, Sherman, how would you say it? Sherman said: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back. That's better, said the teacher, But it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. Then the teacher looked at our mate, little Johnny, saying And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners. Little Johnny said: I would say: darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, to whom I hope to introduce you after dinner.
|
|
DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 31, 2014 - 10:00am |
|
Woman places ad seeking a man who will never hurt her, will never abandon her and who is great in bed. After several candidates being turned down she hears her door bell ring. She opens the door to find an armless and legless man in a wheel chair. She offers him $5 thinking he is collecting for charity but he explains that he is there for the interview. She looks at him and says, "but you have no arms." He replies, "but you wanted a man who would never hit you." The woman then says, "but you have no legs." To which the man replies, "but you wanted a man who would never abandon you." She pauses and then says, "but I also want a man who is great in bed." The man puts on a cheeky grin and says, "so how do you think I managed to ring the door bell? "
|
|
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
|
Posted:
Dec 24, 2014 - 3:07pm |
|
The Talking Clock:
A man was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends, late one night. He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet sitting on the dresser. "What's with that big brass gong?" one of the friends asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock", he replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" asked the astonished friend. "Yup", he replied."How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch:". He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back, smiling proudly. The three stood looking at one another for a moment, as the pulsating resonances filled the room. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed: "You *%#***!!!. It's three-fifteen in the morning!"
|
|
DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
|
Posted:
Nov 30, 2014 - 11:51am |
|
I went into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. Inside I found a fully equipped bar with Guinness on tap. On one wall, there's a row of decanters with fine Irish whiskey and Waterford crystal glasses. On the other wall is a dazzling array of the finest cigars and chocolates. Then the priest comes in. I say to him, "Father, forgive me, for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession, but I must first admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be." He replies: "Get out, you moron, you're on my side."
|
|
black321
Location: An earth without maps Gender:
|
Posted:
Sep 23, 2014 - 1:36pm |
|
Myron Greenberg, a wealthy L.A. businessman received a letter of Audit from the IRS. It really upsets him and he called his accountant, Saul Meyers. Myron (pleading): "Saul, what are they doing to me? Why are they doing this to me?" Saul (calming): "Myron, don't worry about it. I've got all the receipts, the account is up to date, it's no problem. But let me give you a bit of advice. When you go to the Audit, make a bad impression. Wear the crummiest, dirtiest clothes you've got. Have holes in your shoes, ripped pants and look shabby. I mean really look terrible, because if they have a little sympathy, they'll go easy on you." Then Myron called his Lawyer, Charlie Steinberg. His Lawyer said: "Myron, it's no problem, I'm sure they got the receipts, I'm sure everything is up to date, you've got a great accountant, don't worry about it. Let me give you a tip. When you go to the Audit, it's very important that you make a good impression. Wear your best suit, and your shirt with a silk tie and cuff links and shine your shoes, look like somebody. Because if you look like a somebody they respect you and will go easy on you." And now he's torn. And that night he bumped into his Rabbi at the Deli. And he told the Rabbi the story. Rabbi: "Myron, it reminds me of sometimes when I perform a wedding. The bride's father will tell his daughter that on her wedding night to wear a nightgown with a high collar and long sleeves and a full-length robe...cover up, you know, be a little demure. And the mother says, 'Don't be silly. Wear a low cut "negligee" with the cleavage sticking out — look a little sexy'... and, Myron, I will say to you just like I say to the bride on her wedding night, it makes no difference what you wear, you're gonna' get fooked".
|
|
miamizsun
Location: (3283.1 Miles SE of RP) Gender:
|
Posted:
Sep 12, 2014 - 1:34pm |
|
What’s The Difference Between a Lottery and An Election? An honest person might win a lottery.
|
|
K_Love
Gender:
|
Posted:
Aug 29, 2014 - 10:24pm |
|
Guy's walking down the street, and a penguin starts following him. Cop asks the guy why he's walking a penguin. Guy says the penguin just started following him. Cop says to take him to the zoo. Next day, the cop sees the guy and the penguin at a bus stop. The cop asks why the guy didn't take the penguin to the zoo. The guy says, "I did take him to the zoo, and today I'm taking him to the history museum."
|
|
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
|
Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:55am |
|
ScottN wrote:Good Catch! I knew it wasn't original, and has had many differing versions, but you may have the original??
Edit: My meal is better. Gazpacho?? It is my first recollection of it.
|
|
ScottN
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary Gender:
|
Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:41am |
|
Prodigal_SOB wrote:... Good Catch! I knew it wasn't original, and has had many differing versions, but you may have the original?? Edit: My meal is better. Gazpacho??
|
|
Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
|
Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:39am |
|
|
|
ScottN
Location: Half inch above the K/T boundary Gender:
|
Posted:
Aug 17, 2014 - 11:33am |
|
Man, with his pet fly, walks into a Michelin starred restaurant in Paris and orders:
First: I'll have Quiche au Rouquefort et aux Poireaux with an '82 Beaune du Bucherot (Burgundy) Next, I'll have Grenouilles a la Provencal with an ' 01 Chablis, Montmains, 1er Cru, Domaine Duplessis Then I'll have Le Filet de Saumon au Beurre Rouge.. let's stay with the Chablis. To finish: Fromage, poire, Repas de vilain. And a bottle of your best Sauterne
Oh, please bring some shit for my fly.
|
|
DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
|
Posted:
Jul 19, 2014 - 7:49am |
|
My Favorite Animal Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where the hell I am now...
|
|
lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
|
Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:30am |
|
2cats wrote: How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
|
|
2cats
Location: Oklahoma Gender:
|
Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:28am |
|
lily34 wrote: and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet. How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
|
|
lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
|
Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:50am |
|
Coaxial wrote: don't forget to tip your servers!
|
|
Coaxial
Location: Comfortably numb in So Texas Gender:
|
Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:48am |
|
lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."
|
|
|