how do you feel right now?
- oldviolin - May 15, 2024 - 1:41pm
China
- R_P - May 15, 2024 - 1:40pm
Joe Biden
- rgio - May 15, 2024 - 1:32pm
Dialing 1-800-Manbird
- oldviolin - May 15, 2024 - 1:13pm
Things You Thought Today
- rgio - May 15, 2024 - 1:02pm
What the hell OV?
- oldviolin - May 15, 2024 - 12:38pm
NY Times Strands
- Steely_D - May 15, 2024 - 12:34pm
Israel
- R_P - May 15, 2024 - 12:16pm
Song of the Day
- oldviolin - May 15, 2024 - 11:50am
• • • The Once-a-Day • • •
- oldviolin - May 15, 2024 - 11:48am
Science is bullsh*t
- oldviolin - May 15, 2024 - 11:44am
Alexa Show
- victory806 - May 15, 2024 - 11:00am
NYTimes Connections
- maryte - May 15, 2024 - 10:58am
Wordle - daily game
- maryte - May 15, 2024 - 10:27am
NASA & other news from space
- Beaker - May 15, 2024 - 9:29am
Strange signs, marquees, billboards, etc.
- Proclivities - May 15, 2024 - 9:07am
Climate Change
- thisbody - May 15, 2024 - 8:28am
Artificial Intelligence
- thisbody - May 15, 2024 - 8:25am
Human Rights (Can Science Point The Way)
- miamizsun - May 15, 2024 - 5:50am
Today in History
- Red_Dragon - May 15, 2024 - 5:06am
Radio Paradise Comments
- Coaxial - May 15, 2024 - 4:39am
Play the Blues
- Steely_D - May 15, 2024 - 1:50am
Animal Resistance
- R_P - May 14, 2024 - 6:37pm
2024 Elections!
- R_P - May 14, 2024 - 6:00pm
May 2024 Photo Theme - Peaceful
- fractalv - May 14, 2024 - 5:02pm
Fascism In America
- Red_Dragon - May 14, 2024 - 4:27pm
Bug Reports & Feature Requests
- cptbuz - May 14, 2024 - 3:31pm
USA! USA! USA!
- R_P - May 14, 2024 - 3:20pm
punk? hip-hop? metal? noise? garage?
- thisbody - May 14, 2024 - 1:27pm
What can you hear right now?
- thisbody - May 14, 2024 - 1:25pm
The Obituary Page
- thisbody - May 14, 2024 - 12:41pm
Social Media Are Changing Everything
- Red_Dragon - May 14, 2024 - 8:08am
Internet connection
- ai63 - May 14, 2024 - 7:53am
Congress
- Red_Dragon - May 13, 2024 - 8:22pm
Ukraine
- R_P - May 13, 2024 - 5:50pm
What The Hell Buddy?
- oldviolin - May 13, 2024 - 1:25pm
Surfing!
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 13, 2024 - 1:21pm
Bad Poetry
- oldviolin - May 13, 2024 - 11:38am
What Did You See Today?
- kurtster - May 13, 2024 - 10:35am
See This Film
- Red_Dragon - May 13, 2024 - 8:35am
Podcast recommendations???
- ColdMiser - May 13, 2024 - 7:50am
News of the Weird
- Red_Dragon - May 13, 2024 - 5:05am
Mixtape Culture Club
- Lazy8 - May 12, 2024 - 10:26pm
Trump
- Steely_D - May 12, 2024 - 3:35pm
Those Lovable Policemen
- R_P - May 12, 2024 - 11:31am
Vinyl Only Spin List
- kurtster - May 12, 2024 - 9:16am
The All-Things Beatles Forum
- Steely_D - May 12, 2024 - 9:04am
Baseball, anyone?
- Red_Dragon - May 12, 2024 - 6:52am
Poetry Forum
- ScottN - May 12, 2024 - 6:32am
Photography Forum - Your Own Photos
- miamizsun - May 11, 2024 - 10:37am
Upcoming concerts or shows you can't wait to see
- oldviolin - May 11, 2024 - 8:43am
Beer
- ScottFromWyoming - May 10, 2024 - 8:58pm
It's the economy stupid.
- thisbody - May 10, 2024 - 3:21pm
Oh dear god, BEES!
- R_P - May 10, 2024 - 3:11pm
Tornado!
- miamizsun - May 10, 2024 - 2:49pm
The 1960s
- kcar - May 10, 2024 - 2:49pm
Name My Band
- GeneP59 - May 10, 2024 - 9:35am
Marko Haavisto & Poutahaukat
- thisbody - May 10, 2024 - 7:57am
Living in America
- Proclivities - May 10, 2024 - 6:45am
Virginia News
- Red_Dragon - May 10, 2024 - 5:42am
Outstanding Covers
- Steely_D - May 10, 2024 - 12:56am
Democratic Party
- R_P - May 9, 2024 - 3:06pm
RP on HomePod mini
- RPnate1 - May 9, 2024 - 10:52am
Interesting Words
- Proclivities - May 9, 2024 - 10:22am
Positive Thoughts and Prayer Requests
- islander - May 9, 2024 - 7:21am
Breaking News
- maryte - May 9, 2024 - 7:17am
Guns
- Red_Dragon - May 9, 2024 - 6:16am
Spambags on RP
- Steely_D - May 8, 2024 - 2:30pm
Suggestion for new RP Channel: Modern / Family
- Ruuddie - May 8, 2024 - 11:46am
Gaming, Shopping, and More? Samsung's Metaverse Plans for...
- alexhoxdson - May 8, 2024 - 7:00am
SLOVENIA
- novitibo - May 8, 2024 - 1:38am
Reviews and Pix from your concerts and shows you couldn't...
- haresfur - May 7, 2024 - 10:46pm
Eclectic Sound-Drops
- Manbird - May 7, 2024 - 10:18pm
Farts!
- KurtfromLaQuinta - May 7, 2024 - 9:53pm
The RP YouTube (Google) Group
- oldviolin - May 7, 2024 - 8:46pm
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Index »
Radio Paradise/General »
General Discussion »
~ Have a good joke you can post? ~
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Page: Previous 1, 2, 3 ... 7, 8, 9 ... 311, 312, 313 Next |
lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:30am |
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2cats wrote: How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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2cats
Location: Oklahoma Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 11:28am |
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lily34 wrote: and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet. How many dead people are in that cemetery? Dad replies, "All of them."
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:50am |
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Coaxial wrote: don't forget to tip your servers!
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Coaxial
Location: Comfortably numb in So Texas Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:48am |
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lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:47am |
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Proclivities wrote: Those remind me of one I saw in the song comments - I don't remember which song:
Why are there so many people named Jones in the phone book? Because they all have phones.
and know why those people can't be buried in the cemetary next to their house? because they're not dead yet.
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Proclivities
Location: Paris of the Piedmont Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:44am |
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lily34 wrote:from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room." Those remind me of one I saw in the song comments - I don't remember which song: Why are there so many people named Jones in the phone book? Because they all have phones.
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lily34
Location: GTFO Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 15, 2014 - 6:35am |
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from the ultimate collection of cheesy dad jokes files: What happens if you throw a green rock into the Red Sea? It gets wet. Pointing up to some geese flying above: "You ever notice that one side of the 'flying V' is always longer than the other? You know why that is? More geese on that side." Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree, and the guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."
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aflanigan
Location: At Sea Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 14, 2014 - 9:58am |
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Prodigal_SOB wrote:Two Red Herrings walk into a bar. The bartender, somewhat startled by their piscine presence, slowly looks them up and down. Finally, he says "OK my fine fishy friends, what can I get you?". "Water!", they gasped. This joke has a rather misleading premise.
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Prodigal_SOB
Location: Back Home Again in Indiana Gender:
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Posted:
Jul 14, 2014 - 8:19am |
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Two Red Herrings walk into a bar. The bartender, somewhat startled by their piscine presence, slowly looks them up and down. Finally, he says "OK my fine fishy friends, what can I get you?". "Water!", they gasped.
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Atman
Location: Sandpoint, ID Gender:
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Posted:
Mar 27, 2014 - 2:26pm |
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A man boards an airplane, and takes his seat. As he settles in, he glances up and sees the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realizes she is heading straight toward his seat. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him. Lo and behold, she takes the seat right beside his. Anxious to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "So where are you flying to today?" She turns and smiles, and says, "To the annual Nymphomaniac Convention, in Chicago." He swallows hard, and is instantly CRAZED with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting RIGHT next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs. Struggling to maintain his outward cool, he calmly asks, "And what's your role at this convention?" She flips her hair back, turns to him, locks onto his eyes, and says, "Well, I try to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality." "Really" he says, swallowing hard. "And what myths are those?" She explains: "Well, one popular myth is that African - American men are the most well-endowed, when, in fact, it is the Native-American Indian who is most likely to possess this trait. Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Jewish descent who romance women best, on average. I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck" "Very interesting," the man responds. Suddenly, the woman becomes very embarrassed, and blushes. "I'm sorry," she says, "I feel so awkward discussing this with you, and I don't even know your name." The man smiles broadly, extends his hand, and replies, "Tonto….. Tonto Goldstein; but my friends call me Bubba."
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Godric
Gender:
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Posted:
Mar 24, 2014 - 7:33am |
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Contact Lens
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.
"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 27, 2014 - 11:44am |
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 25, 2014 - 8:44am |
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A father walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the young boy 3 nickels to play with to keep him occupied.
Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the nickels and starts slapping him on the back. The boy coughs up 2 of the nickels, but keeps choking. Looking at his son, the father is panicking, shouting for help.
A well-dressed, attractive, and serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at the coffee bar reading a newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants; takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last nickel, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy's testicles, the woman hands the nickel to the father and walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor? "
"No," the woman replied, "I'm with the Internal Revenue Service."
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 21, 2014 - 12:54pm |
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A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left.
"Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.
Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this!" and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival.
Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding - a reason I've never before heard - I'll let you go.."
The old gentleman paused then said, "Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
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Red_Dragon
Location: Dumbf*ckistan
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Posted:
Feb 6, 2014 - 1:07pm |
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DaveInVA wrote:
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Feb 6, 2014 - 12:30pm |
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An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.
One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote:
If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.”
The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
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glmace
Location: Wyoming Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 7:24pm |
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Rodney Dangerfield said " I get no respect, yesterday I met C. Everit Koop and he offered me a cigarett "
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helenofjoy
Location: Lincoln, Nebraska Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 2:25pm |
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Antigone wrote:A joke that Radney Foster told last night:
A little boy went up to his mother and said, "When I grow up I want to be a musician."
His mother replied, "You can't have it both ways, dear."
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 12:59pm |
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The guys at the barber shop asked me what actress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with. I told them the one who knows how to fix elevators. I'm old, tired, and pee a lot.
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DaveInSaoMiguel
Location: No longer in a hovel in effluent Damnville, VA Gender:
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Posted:
Jan 11, 2014 - 12:55pm |
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A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his 1911 Colt 45 with an 8 shot clip, and yelled, "Who in here has been screwing my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."
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